I just made up that term, resentment loading. Let me capitalize it to make it official-sounding: Resentment Loading.
It’s one of the traps of mid-life. Like cynicism is a trap.
By resentment loading I mean … just that. Loading up my wagon with resentments. Towards people, groups, God. Whatever.
We’re more teenagery than maybe we want to realize, when we “grow up” and realize that the people we admired actually have shortcomings and even might hurt us in some way.
Around 40, we get pretty confident that we have a measure of life experience that allows us to judge.
Or resentment might be disappointments, seeing choices that we regret somehow, Or not regretting the choices we made, but we might regret that that particular choice then meant that another option I also wanted was closed off, perhaps forever.
It’s one of mid-life traps I’ve noticed.
I’ve been tempted to resent things about my parents, my husband, God, my kids … basically anything, because … why? Often, there’s no good reason, or no reason for which they could not also resent me. It’s just a crazy road to go down. So I stay away from that path as much as I can, thank you, God.
What’s helped me is two things:
- Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
2. Humbling myself under the mighty hand of God and telling him that no matter what, I will truly trust and know that He is good towards me, in control of it all, and He’s working for my best interests, even though it really hurts.
Mid-life: Beware of Resentment Loading.