So, continuing on the lines of my life-analyzation project, I was thinking about the decisions I’ve made in my life that have seemed like they are keeping me from doing “greater” things.
Like having 4 children. Home schooling them. Marrying a Ukrainian man. This particular Ukrainian man.
And … I don’t regret any of those things. They are wonderful, actually….
And when I made each decision, I knew that I was (and am now) doing God’s will. (I haven’t always been the person of God’s will. But I’m in progress, and I want to be focusing on that more in this part of my life. That in my doing, I am being like Christ. It’s probably more important than the doing.)
These decisions (marriage, kids, homeschooling, etc) did and will continue to affect the shape and accomplishments of my life. But I am stating openly and choosing to emotionally value the fact that what I’m doing is … a life that I love (well, mostly– there are moments of madness 😉 ), a life that I have chosen, and a life that is God’s good will for me.
How easy it is to forget those simple and important things.
God created me to want to do these things, and while they preclude me doing other things, I know that these paths of righteousness are the particular leadings my life. (Yes, I can have chosen other priorities and still be doing God’s good will, but considering the desires He gave me, these are my particular choices.)
So, cultivating emotional value in my heart: Today, Skyla, Una and I went out on the playground, Skyla finished her schoolwork in a tree, then we went on a walk through the neighborhood. And I so enjoyed walking with my daughter, talking, being together in this sweet spring season.
I am also trying to train myself to often ask myself the question internally– am I doing and being God’s will at this time and place? … It’s helping me focus on each time and place, and to give it emotional value.
Also, I give positive value to the fact that I studied midwifery. It gave me four amazing births, tons of contacts and life experiences, and a way to help others. I give positive value to the fact that I am not studying it now– it has had to phase out of my priority list. And that is OK and normal.
I also assign positive value to the fact that I have studied parenting and gentle parenting. It has added a quality to our lives that precious to us. It has been one of the “great”est things of my life, now that I stop to think about it. And I never planned it. But God did.
Another thought that I am sorting through is prayer. That the meaning and quality of my future is directly correlated to prayer. This is something I need to dig into.