follow-up test on myself

I was writing in the spring about dealing with disappointment with my life.

Yesterday was an interesting test of how I’m dealing with that, and it’s going pretty good!

So yesterday, I was generally rather fatigued, Vitaliy was gone a few days (these are 2 big factors), and last night, this funk came on me again. …. My thoughts are like: Why can’t I do birth work? I hate homeschooling. Why is my life like this? Why am I making these choices?

Those are The Funk thoughts. It’s totally gone today, so you know, it’s a momentary thing. But it’s important.

So, how did I go through it?

First, I went for a walk. And I thought. I thought several good things.

I made a choice to be home with my children, and that choice is valuable to me. It’s important to me to do this. Making that choice means saying no to other choices.

If I were working in birth (or whatever), I would also have parts of it that I hate (like I sometimes hate homeschooling). I’m just choosing between what I want to struggle with disliking.

If I were doing birth stuff, I would also have moments when it feels empty and like it’s robbing me of other, more fulfilling things. The grass is greener thing would still happen, no matter what I would be doing. Especially when I’m tired and a bit emotionally empty.

I went to do some grocery shopping. I’m on a diet right now, but as I was walking through the store, I realized that normally, this is a time when I would comfort myself by eating– bread, chocolate, whatever.

So I asked myself, how can I go through this funk in a different way? My stomach is not hungry, but my emotions are hungry. Food won’t fill them up.

It’s a form of grieving for a life I won’t have, and that’s OK, to grieve a little bit for those dreams, but I don’t have to wallow in it and wreck my health and other goals during that grief.

So I was feeling pretty good by now, that I was going through and coming out of this funk in a pretty good way– able to value the life I have and not eat to comfort myself like I usually do.

I ended up buying some clothes on sale, too 🙂 I needed a new fall jacket, and the one I liked was on sale! $24 instead of over $40!

Cool. Progress!

I felt like my dad, buying on sale, and I felt like my mom, buying clothes …

Andre, loves his little MEP math stuff 🙂



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