what I’ve learned from the (spiritual) discipline of breastfeeding

My qualification for writing this post is that I’ve been breastfeeding for twelve years now, and am still going. Other moms have breastfed longer, though, so they probably know more. I’ve also breastfed tor long periods of time. Over a year, four years, three years, and now three years plus. (We have four children.)

In the Old Testament, God showed Himself often through types and symbols. For me, breastfeeding has become a living type or symbolic act of one way God wants us to understand Him and His heart towards us.

The longer I live, the more I see how God communicates Himself to us in daily, routine things. Before, I used to look for certain, special, rare experiences. Now, I’m able to see Him opening Himself to us in the ordinary and all-around.

Here are a few ways I’ve come to “see” God in breastfeeding.

Think about God’s design: A mother opens her arms, opens one of her most private, sensitive places, lays a baby next to her heart, holds him there, and gives him life sustenance–physical and emotional sustenance.

Physical and emotional filling of that baby’s stomach and heart.

Warmth radiates from her. Pleasurable hormones in her, and in her baby fire away.

It brings tears to my eyes, realizing how God does this for us. He opens his arms, pulls us to his heart, warms us, and gives us life.

I just painted an overwhelmingly amazing picture of breastfeeding to ponder. But to tell you the truth, breastfeeding showed me my own selfishness and this is where it became a discipline.

God nurtures us generously. Generously! Freely. He pulls us into Himself. He gives of himself, his love, care, time, attention.

But me? I had to struggle and train myself to give myself to my babies that way. Breastfeeding is so personal, so invasive, so uncomfortable in certain ways (the positions, time it takes, the lack of sleep as my babies get older. When they’re younger, I can sleep while they breastfeed, but when they’re older, I can’t.)

It’s so demanding!

And isn’t it easier for God? He’s infinite– He can give attention to me while at the same time “carrying on” with the entire universe. Breastfeeidng is a fairly all-exclusive activity for me. (Well, I can read, drink, sleep, sometimes eat, have screen time, now that I think about it.)

But you know, God doesn’t have to take such detailed attention with me either. He didn’t have to make himself uncomfortable to live inside me by his Spirit. He didn’t have to put himself out to that extent now, did he?

But he did, and he does. It’s His nature to do so! So, can I practice His nature until it becomes my nature? Can I also choose, like God has chosen, to draw my baby near to me and give out to that personal extent?

…. Those are a few of the things I’ve pondered as I’ve submitted myself to the discipline of breastfeeding for over a decade now. <3

my personal health habits

So, around 40, it dawned upon me fairly quickly that, wow, this body’s going to go downhill pretty fast if I don’t become more humble and self-controlled in my habits. And that in order to take care of my family long-term, I need to take care of myself. The realities of my aging body taught me that taking time and money to take care of myself is not selfish, it’s necessary. I’ll pay out one end or the other, so why not pay out of the prophylactic end?

So, over the last 2-4 years, I’ve been regularly incorporating new habits into my lifestyle. Most of these habits I try to do in the morning (except exercise and Bible reading). I have the most energy, drive, and self-control in the AMs, so that’s when I try to get them done, bam,bam,bam. That’s what works for me anyways.

About healthy habits: there are slews of them. I’ve had to experiment and choose ones that fit to my life and my style 🙂 Yours may differ. Important thing is that we’re doing things to maintain our health.

Habit one: Oil pulling with coconut oil for 20 minutes. I do this very first thing. Why? Oil pulling keeps my teeth healthy, removes toxins, and a bunch of other stuff. You can google it.

Habit two: Drinking half to a whole liter of warm, lemon water. Why: To generally clean and alkalize my body.

Habit three: Body brushing. Why: to move my lymph system, which is important to health and immunity.

Habit four: I try to drink half a liter to a liter of green or pink smoothie a day. Why: easily digestible, real nutition.

Habit five: Exercise. I workout at Curves three days a week. Other days, and even on those days, I also try to do one or two Ballet Beautiful workouts (on youtube). I like Curves because it’s just a feminine atmostphere, it’s weightlifting, it’s all women, and it’s community. I like Ballet Beautiful because it’s short time periods, small space friendly, and extremely effective at shaping slender muscles. Why: Maintaining muscle mass, hormone health, overall health.

Habit six: Looking nice. The world wants us to be ever-panting after beauty yet never feeling satisfied with ourselves. On the other side, God created us with a sense of beauty, and He can give us a satisfaction with how He’s made us. I’ve found it important to learn about style and dress in a nice way, (not saying classy even) just generally nice.  I don’t wear makeup every day, but I have starte wearing jewelry a lot more. I love my perm, too. Dressing Your Truth helped me a lot with this.

Habit seven: Being alone. I am at an age with my kids where they can take care of themselves for a while, and we live close to a mall for this reason, so I can be alone and read my Bible, pray, journal, and maintain my personal relationship with God. Why: This is just as much a part of my health as my physical practices. A close relationship wth God is essential to life, especially abundant life. Also, as a heavily-introverted, home schooling SAHM, this is how I maintain myself in the marathon.

So! Those are my health practices as I “embrace” (to use an overused word) aging.

one key to spiritual growth

One helpful thing I’ve observed about growing in a real relationship with God in the last few years is this– well, maybe it’s two things:

First: Take it all personally. Every single detail, the timing of every single detail, every pressure (and don’t they seem to come in clusters?), every annoyance, every joy, everyeveryevery. It’s all God’s desire to communicate Himself to us. They all work together for good, to make us like Christ.

Second: Take other people’s sin towards you as from God– not as if God did the sin, but in the sense that He allowed exactly it in order for you to get to know Him more. Forgiving people, over and over, learning to love them … it can be terribly painful (and I’m not at. all. talking about remaining in abusive situations), but it’s exactly how we understand and experience Christ. For example, there are one or two people in my church who drive me nuts, and whose sin has really hurt me personally. But I’ve learned more about Christ through those relationships than I’ve learned from all the people I get along with comblned.

(Exception: Not all learning is painful! I really enjoy learning about God and experiencing Him through Vitaliy. He teaches me so much about God and growth, and it’s usually nice– over coffee and/or on our long drives.)

Bonus: Those things above, plus truer friendship with God, can only really be accepted by us if we agree with God’s goal for us, which is to make us like Jesus, not to make us comfortable.

And thank you, dear God, for your Comforter in the discomfort.

AND! Long-term, there is a neat type of comfort in having lived a righteous life. The hard is so worth it.

spaseniye

Я не знаю, почему я так мало на блоге эти годы. Может потому, что я уже сформиловала мои взгляди на воспитаиня, и мне не надо так писать, как я писала об этом как раньше. Или может потому, что могу просто на ФейсБук писать.

Но сегодня, я не хочу просто делать это пост на ФБ. Я хочу писать это здесь для вспоминания.

Сегодня Скайла работала над своей книгой АВАНА, и она подошла ко мне чтобы спросить у меня: «Какой это был день?»

Я: “что?”

И она указала на вопрос на странице, где ей пришлось записывать, когда она доверяла Христу как своего Спасителя (или что-то в этом роде, я не помню формулировки на русском).

Я: «Ты сделала это?»

Ее: «Да, в тот день в Магелане, помнишь?» (Магелан–это название нашего ТЦ.)

И я вспомнила. Это был день, когда я читал вслух что-то из Деяний, я думаю, что это была проповедь Петра в Деяниях 2, и Скайла была огорчена этим. Мы подошли к Магелану, чтобы сесть и почитать, и она немного заплакала и не могла говорить нормально. И когда я спросила ей об этом, она сказала: «Потому что это ИСТИНА!»

Я даже не помню подробностей беседы, но речь шла о Евангелии и о том, как Бог хочет спасти нас, и я думаю, что она молилась … У меня такая туманная память об этом.

Но она видит это как день, когда она стала последователем Иисуса.

Я не строго отношусь с датами спасения или какой-то особенная молитва и фрази. Но я просто хочу сказать, что я благодарена за то, что узнала сегодня об этой работе Бога в сердце моего ребенка. Я молюсь за них всех, за их спасение, за то, что Христос полностью сформировался в них – это намного больше, чем просто молитва спасения, вы знаете, хотя она часто начинается этим.

Поэтому я просто хотела записать этот акт Бога. И я благодарна. Он дал мне знать и увидеть частично Его ответы на мои молитвы. Я буду молиться дальше.

salvation

I don’t know why I blog so little these years. All the processing of my little-baby years is done, maybe? I don’t have the urgency to blog when I have FB?

I don’t want to just make this an FB post though. I want to make it a memory on here.

Today Skyla was working on her AWANA book, and she came over to ask me “what day was that?”

Me: “What?”

And she pointed to a question on the page where she had to write down when she trusted Christ as her Savior (or something like that, I don’t remember the wording in Russian).

Me: “You did that?”

Her: “Yes, that day in Magelan, remember?” (that’s the name of our mall.)

And I remembered. It was a day I read aloud something from Acts, I think it was Peter’s sermon in Acts 2, and Skyla was distressed by it. We walked to Magelan to sit together and read, and she started crying a bit and couldn’t speak well. And as I inquired about this, she said– “Because it’s TRUE!”

I don’t even remember the details of the conversation, but it was about the gospel and how God wants to save us, and I think she prayed– I have such a foggy memory of it.

But she sees that as the day she became a follower.

I don’t get all strict with dates and particuar prayers and phrases. But I just want to say I’m thankful for learning about this work of God in my child’s heart. I pray for them, for their salvations, for Christ to be fully formed in them– which is a lot more than just a prayer of salvation, you know, though it starts there often.

So I just wanted to record this act of God. And I’m thankful He gave me insight, so I partially see His answers to my prayers. I will keep praying.

my life as a garden, the next big step

Things are happening in my heart that I need to analyze and record.

(Just pass over this if your not into introspection.)

There are moments of spiritual growth when God just brings together lots of influences to open certain things to me. And it usually starts after years of preparation– years of being bothered by certain things.

So I’ve been bothered the last few years by lack of satisfaction in home schooling, and bothered by my struggle to forgive certain people in our church, well, particularly one person.

Years go by, I live my days, things happen, good things, but still, these two things have, as a pattern, troubled me. And I pray about them, do what I can, as God shows me.

Like the unforgiveness: months back, God showed me to just stop the thoughts, just stop thinking so much about this person/situation and giving it so much “air time” in my brain. Just. Stop. That helped a lot to clear out my mind and be able to not be focused on negativity.

With home schooling, I have been reading, studying, understanding more and more. But I’m still not satisfied by it or enjoying it.

Years ago, I went through this Big Deal with learning about child discipline–the years of preparatory dissatisfaction, then all the influences coming together to bring it all together and teach me something very transformative. And God brought me to this place of joy, where there is a lot of healthy, emotional satisfaction and joy in my relationships with my kids now, as a pattern.

So now, in church relationships and home schooling, I feel like God has done the years of preparatory work, and now He’s going to move into the transformation phase, and I need to write about it. So I can figure things out better, and analyze and enjoy the process.

Phillip Keller, in his book A Gardener Looks at the Fruit of the Spirit,” starts out by talking about types of soil in our hearts. Not just for salvation, but as Christians, the soil of our hearts for bearing the fruit of the Spirit.

And I start to see parts of my heart in the “road” soil he describes, the soil that has been tramped, tramped, tramped down and will not bear.

For example, I started to envision my relationship with this person in my church, and you know, my critical thoughts just tramp, tramp, tramp down the “path” between us. It is impossible for joy to grow in this relationship. It’s impossible for kindness to grow in the path of this connection. It’s impossible for meekness, self-control, goodness, faithfulness, and peace to grow where my critical, suspicious thoughts are tramping, tramping, tramping down the soil.

He talks about our amitions as things that also tramp down the soil. And I’ve been analyzing for a long while now why I am home schooling.  I’m fairly sure it is the will of God for me to be doing this, though we are open to other options. But for these years, this year, right now, it’s pretty clear that home schooling my kids is God’s will for me.

But just doing His will doens’t mean I’m doing it for the right reason–or maybe I could say I could do His will but for wrong or selfish reasons. I have my own little ambitions about home schooling, it seems. Like I have this fuzzy ideal in my head about what our home school should be, and I think that this is my ambition, to achieve this … feeling, or ideal. Where I am the center.

So my ambition is tramping, tramping, and the section of my life’s garden is not bearing peace nor joy.

So that is where I am right now. There are other threads of influence in these realizations:

Love is a major theme because of 1 Corinthains. 13– I spoke about this at a baby shower and from Keller’s book we’re going through how the qualities of Love in 1 Cor 13 match with the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. And how Love is the life of God, and the fruit of the Spirit come only as the actual presence of God (not like in a package separate from God).

Krasivie veshchi

Красивые Вещи

Одно яйцо, сделано в вафельницы

Букет цветов

Книга пуритансие молитв

Чашка для чая

moi myzh = moya podryga

Я очень рада, что мой муж хочет быть, так сказать, моя подруга. Он хочет обо всем, всем, всем говорить, и чтобы я тоже говорила ему обо всем–и он слушает и обсуждает и интересует в этом тоже.

Сегодня я планировала ежедневный график нашей школы, и он обсуждал это со мной,

но тоже, я рассказывала ему о том, как я ищу сейчас ответы на моей неудовлетворенности с нашей школе– идиалы и ожидании, которые я еще не достигла или не совместила с реальностью

Я читаю одну книгу сейчас о домашнем образованием, и важно, что писала ее неверующий человек, но она наблюдала и беседовала много с верующими людьми, которыми проводят с детьми школу дома.

Это книга поднимает и уяснить вопросы, которые долго меня мучает, и я очень рада. Дает мне  идеи и мысли, которые верующие не могли бы так спокойно, с боку, видеть и объяснить.

Мы говорили об этом долго, и Виталий дал мне свои идеи и мысли об этом всего, и слушал.

Благодарна, за него.

eda, zavtrak, i romantika

еда, завтрак, и романтика

Последнее время, я ищу разные способы, как “добавить” романтику в моей жизни. Для меня, утром очень романтичное время. Особенно с домашной школы– мы не куда не спишим. Можем наслаждаться в этом медленное время.

Я часто хочу фотографировать свой завтрак! Для меня, завтрак очень романтично. Я люблю это время на кухня, когда маленьких ждет свой завтрак, хотят помочь мне налить, мешать, и т.д. Мы часто делаем 2 завтрака, как хоббити (помните, когда Пиппин хотел свой второй завтрак?).

Первый завтрак– что-то украинский и молочный–манка, гречка, овсяанка. Второй, что-то Американский– обычно ваффли или пэнкейки.

Скайла очень любит готовитьь ваффли. Мне очень нравится, что она все сама делает. 

Бабушка передала нам малиновое варение, поэтому, объязательно сделала ваффли!

Малина из своего сада!!! Какие они красивые! Бог так прикрасно сотворяет фрукти и ягоды!

Я на Второй Фазе диета Кервс, и мой выбор сегодня: 2 яйца с помидорами (кстати, я их сбиваю, потом налю их на сковородке для блинчиков– очень вкусно! И овсянка с малиной.

Вот, немножко романтика

dryk dryga c detmi

Шарлотта Мейсон учит, что образование состоит из 3-х частей: 1. Окружающая среда (включая жизненные ценности родителей), 2. Дисциплины (т.е. привычки), 3. Живые, великолепные идеи.

Я сегодня хочу поделиться с вами одну идею, которой учила и формировала меня последние годы.

Вот, на английском блог этой женщини (мама 6 детей, бабушка)—она для меня «старшая женщина» многие годы.  И здесь несколько постов (на анг), где она пишет о применении этой истине)

Она пишет:“И тогда все это объединилось в этом: Бог дал нам очень реальные заповеди в Его Слове, которые говорят нам, как мы относимся друг к другу, эти известные места Писания  «друг другу». И все же я никогда не слышала, чтобы кто-нибудь говорил о применении этих инструкций к нашим отношениям с нашими детьми. Для меня это было моментом, и навсегда изменило, как я смотрю на детей, и как я должна рассматривать их в теле Христа.”

В ее книге, она перечислила пятьдесят-одного места в Новом Завете, где написано инструкции, как мы должны относиться «друг другу».

Мы рассматровали 7 из них.

  • Ободряйте друг друга (1 Фес. 5:11, Ев. 3:13, 10:25, параклетос)
  • Будьте добрыми друг к другу (Еф. 4:32)
  • Повинутесь друг друга (Еф.5:21, 1 Петра 5:5)
  • Будьте гостеприимны друг другу (1 Петра 4:9, Рим. 12:13, Марка 10:16, Мт.18:5, 19:13-15)
  • Служите друг другу (Гал. 5:13, Фил. 2:5-8)
  • Носите бремя друг друга (Гал. 6:2, 1 Кор.13:7)
  • Простите друг друга (Кол. 3:13, Еф. 4:32)

Повинутесь друг друга– мы с этим боримся и даже раным себя и друг друга с этом приказом потому, что мы представляем власти и подчинение как мир их рисует. На самом деле, если не было бы грехи, мы ВСЕ ЕСТЕСТВЕННО так и жили бы. Это природа и характер Бога. Он и властвует и повинует в тоже самое время. Повиновать, это значит, мы “откладываем” наши права, нужды, желание, и предпочтении для другого человека.

На пример: грудное вкармливание– это акт и повиновения и  гостеприемства и служения.

🙂 <3