Years back, I did quite a bit of reading and writing and rolling around in thoughts about gender. It’s, you know, an issue today. And being placed in this time of history, it’s something I’ve had to wrestle with in my current culture. So, I have my own thoughts, opinions, and things I’ve worked out for myself.
But what I realized yesterday, was that I also have sin in my heart about this issue. I was in a (Russian) conversation yesterday online, and a guy was joking about women’s “nerves” and “hormones.” It was belittling. And immediately, my gender red light started flashing internally.
I tried to jokingly say that maybe war is also a result of men’s hormones, no? Well, hormones may be involved, but so are our sin natures.
Anyway, I think I did an OK job of controlling my words and not getting in to the issue deeply (talking with someone who’s just going to defend his own point is pointless). But I felt yuck about the conversation. And I was praying and asking God, why do I feel this way? I don’t see wrong in my words.
But it’s in my heart, I think. Irritation and inflammation in me rose up.
and that’s a signal.
That I have let this question become more important to me than it ought to be. Because why would I even consider hurting a brother over it?
And so I’ve been thinking about that, about how our culture teaches us that we have to fight for our rights. But God teaches us to follow Christ, who laid His down and died.
And here’s the thing. It’s not until I lay down and die to my right (my right to speak the truth about this), it’s not until I die to that, that I will ever be able to speak in a way that touches this guy.
If I have defending my rights/truth as the higher value of my heart, they will all know it, and my words and tone will show it.
But if I have laid down my rights, taken on the humility of Christ, then God, if and when He wants, will make a moment for truth and love to be spoken, maybe through me, maybe not, and to touch this brother in a transformative way.
It may never happen. There may be other issues God wants to talk to him about and not this one.
But I will lay down and die to whatever rights I think I have to hurtfully speak truth, so my own heart is not poisoned and my well of love polluted by valuing this truth in the wrong level of priority.
So help me God.